2012: What if the Mayans had it right?

Let’s just say the world as we know it ends on December 21, 2012.

On the bright side, maybe that means that Goldman Sachs will no longer control the financial markets and the NY Federal Reserve. Maybe children in schools will be safe, and will be respectful to teachers and do all their homework and even (haha) turn it in on time. Maybe that means that corporations will place a few manufacturing facilities in Haiti, so that the poor sops who live there can make a decent wage and afford to build themselves concrete block homes. Maybe the media will quit being the lapdogs of the politicians. Maybe the drug dealers and alcoholics in the world will suddenly be motivated to get real jobs and become pillars in society.

See? Maybe it won’t be so bad.

Well, what if the magnetic poles also coincidentally shift, and we end up coping with worldwide famine and disasters of epic proportions? Should we prepare for that?

You betcha. First thing, sell your homes (unless you live out in the middle of nowhere, somewhere close to the equator, with a productive five-acre garden and dozens of egg-laying chickens). Next, buy canned and dried goods with your cash (beans are supposed to be marvelous foods that stay viable for a long time). Of course, if you don’t have property to store them on, you’d better invest in an armored truck of some kind. With all those beans on board, make sure it’s got good ventilation.

Speaking of armor, ask anyone, you’re going to need guns of all shapes and sizes. Don’t forget ammunition. I understand there’s been a veritable run on ammunition, and it’s getting more expensive by the minute. Better not wait.

Meanwhile, you might as well stockpile gasoline, because that armored truck is going to need a lot of it.

How about fresh water? Well, you’d better invest in some great filtration systems and be able to filter rainwater. Tarps (for collecting rainwater) are going to be in demand; stock up on tarps. They’ll be the new currency.

Let’s see, food and water are taken care of. Shelter: check (armored truck). What’s next?

There’s the rub, I think. After food, water, and basic shelter are taken care of, there is little else to plan for except the Eventual Demolition of Everything, including fighting for the basic right to survival.

If the Mayans had it right, and assuming that some major astronomical event causes a chain reaction of catastrophic proportions, there is nothing we can do to improve our lot. In the event of a global catastrophe, we’re all screwed. Even the bankers.

Back to work, everybody.

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What are your thoughts on 2012?